toot toot

I seem to have had my happy train derailed. I keep trying to get back on, but it's like a conspiracy of hands pushing me down under the tracks. Things are strained in my home life and, it seems, all my relationships. I would have to be blind to not see that I must carry a lot of blame here. Friends seem to be dropping like flys (with a few of the usual suspects still holding on). I can't seem to figure out what has happened here. I am even considering canceling my beloved trip to Tucson. Tucson is usual a magic place for me. It is the place I feel content. Not that I'd want to live there with my hatred of hot weather. But the Tucson Gem Fair is a great big playground of some of my favorite people in the world and mountains of my favorite things in the world...beads! This trip I have planned is a little different than my usual trip to Tucson. I will be staying at a hotel instead of my wonderful friend Anne. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE staying in hotels alone. I don't mind traveling alone. But there is a special vibe to staying at Anne's. Because she actually lives in Tucson her home is kind of the hub of excitement. I know this year there were circumstances that prevented me from staying there. But, I have to admit that staying with Anne always made me feel special. Like part of the "in" crowd. On top of all that my ipod seems to be having an emotional break down. I can't help thinking that I cannot afford to take this trip AND buy a new ipod. And I cannot (will not) live without my pod. Well, i have to decide by Monday or I'll lose ALL the money for the hotel, car and flight. If I cancel before 3pm I only lose the flight. The clock is ticking.