toot toot

I seem to have had my happy train derailed. I keep trying to get back on, but it's like a conspiracy of hands pushing me down under the tracks. Things are strained in my home life and, it seems, all my relationships. I would have to be blind to not see that I must carry a lot of blame here. Friends seem to be dropping like flys (with a few of the usual suspects still holding on). I can't seem to figure out what has happened here. I am even considering canceling my beloved trip to Tucson. Tucson is usual a magic place for me. It is the place I feel content. Not that I'd want to live there with my hatred of hot weather. But the Tucson Gem Fair is a great big playground of some of my favorite people in the world and mountains of my favorite things in the world...beads! This trip I have planned is a little different than my usual trip to Tucson. I will be staying at a hotel instead of my wonderful friend Anne. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE staying in hotels alone. I don't mind traveling alone. But there is a special vibe to staying at Anne's. Because she actually lives in Tucson her home is kind of the hub of excitement. I know this year there were circumstances that prevented me from staying there. But, I have to admit that staying with Anne always made me feel special. Like part of the "in" crowd. On top of all that my ipod seems to be having an emotional break down. I can't help thinking that I cannot afford to take this trip AND buy a new ipod. And I cannot (will not) live without my pod. Well, i have to decide by Monday or I'll lose ALL the money for the hotel, car and flight. If I cancel before 3pm I only lose the flight. The clock is ticking.

it never seems to end

this is Hannah at Homecoming with her friend Justin

Hannah decided to ask her boyfriend, Bryson, to the Winter Formal. Strange that the Winter Formal is girl ask boy. At least I think so. She went out with him for about 2 weeks and then broke his heart by breaking up with him the last day of school before Xmas vaca. For some odd, teenage boy reason, he has returned for more punishment and asked her out again about 2 weeks ago. And oddly, she said yes. Then she announced she would not, under any circumstances take him to the dance. I think he wined. Maybe whimpered a little. So she asked him. Now the hell begins for me. Dress shopping. First of all, she is a size 0 which makes shopping a real pain. Also, she doesn't like a lot of things. She's "fussy" about what she wears. So I spend hours pouring over the internet looking at stupid dresses. And then she announces she has found THE dress. The ONLY dress that will work. Ok. Good. Right? No. This dress is $300. I didn't spend much more on my wedding dress. She cannot understand why this IS NOT going to happen. "Maybe, when your a senior going to prom", I tell her. All hell breaks loose. So today we shopped for 3+ hours. Came home with 2 dresses. I don't like either. I will not buy her a $300 dress. I won't. I swear!

haha very funny

my semi-new mac is giving me trouble. sometimes it just keeps loading.....and never gets anywhere. sometimes it just gets stuck. so I decide to bring it to the Drs. at the Apple Store. I call the local store to make an appointment at the genius bar. after listening to all the options I make my choice only to be told (electronically, of course) that you cannot make genius bar appointments by phone. they must be made online. online. online? I CAN'T FRIGGIN GET INTO THE SITE BECAUSE IT IS FOREVER LOADING! If I could, I wouldn't need the damn appointment.

a pointless story about spaghetti sauce

so yesterday I woke up wanting spaghetti. not crappy stuff from a jar either. I wanted GOOD spaghetti. so I started about 10am. gathered all the ingredients to my super secret sauce (ha! won't be a secret after I post this, will it? oh well, pretty sure NOBODY is gonna steal it). I got out the crock pot. set it on low. started putting it together like a mad scientist. tomato sauce, diced tomatoes, garlic, oregano, basil, pepper, carrots, mushrooms, olive oil (the good kind), red crushed peppers. I was set. Chris came home in the afternoon sniffing the air and chompin' at the bit. I ran out at 5:30 for fresh french bread (the grocery store starts putting out hot bread at 4pm.) Chris got us a glass of wine. we were set. I took the first bite. hmmmmmmm? that tastes a little weird. second bite. kinda borders on nasty. third bite "uh oh, I don't think we should eat this". I look up to see Chris looking at me with a weird expression. "what do you think?" he asked. I shook my head no. Hannah looks up and wants to know whats up. she is playing with bread and massive amounts of butter and has yet to touch the spaghetti. If you were to look at me at that moment I'm sure you would have seen the wheels turning. If I keep quiet we could all die of botulism. If I say something I may have to make a second dinner. which is worse? of course while all this is happening David is happily munching away. He eats the noodles plain. no sauce. he is, in fact, a freak. but a smart freak on this particular day. now Hannah has braved a taste and announces the sauce tastes like pennies. that's it! I take everyones plate and dump all the food in the trash. I have saved my family from certain death! I am a hero! you might ask "what was wrong with the sauce"? no clue. it tasted great every other time I've made it.

so if you are attending a BBQ at Anne Mitchell's house during the Tucson Gem Show and decide to have some chili, be advised...if it tastes like pennies, STOP! do not eat. because unless she changes her mind, I will have made the chili. fairly warned.

when will I learn?

last night David took Maddie for a nice long walk. she came back so energized and puppy-ish. i haven't seen her that revved up in a while. she started running circles around downstairs on the hardwood floor. she was skidding around and playing her game of "chase me" that she hasn't played in sooooo long. I, like the over grown dumb kid I am, started chasing her and laughing. It was so wonderful to see her like the old days. Chris kept saying "be careful, she's an old woman" but I was enjoying myself. Then she ran into the living room and let out a yelp. when I got to her she was stumbling around with her hind leg up and to the side. picture a male dog getting ready to pee. she limped around for the rest of the night sometimes walking on it, sometimes lifting. of course I cried and felt terrible. gave her some pup aspirin. today she is limping and moving slowly but not complaining at all. so I'm torn. take her to the vet or wait it out. I can't stand seeing her limping but the vet always wants to run every test known to man (or vet) and we just can't afford it. She looks so sad. ugh! guess I'll watch her for a bit and then decide.

rough start

so right now I have 4 friends in various stages of duress. this seems like a lot to me. and I have to wonder why the new year is already giving out heaping helpings of shit. I am trying to be a good friend to all but honestly, it's a lot of pain they are bearing and I feel helpless to it all. If I had a magic wand or a genie I would certainly use up their resources to make my friends happy again. short of those "magical interventions" I feel my hands are tied to really being any help at all. I wish I was one of those "get things done, take charge" kinda people. I guess I'm a more "sit back and fret" personality.